Survivor: the Andean Mountain Uruguayan Soccer Team Challenge 4 NBC
Tina Fey delivers another awesomely written episode of 30 Rock that you won't watch because you'd rather see Ray J drink champagne off the nude body of a developmentally disabled cocktail waitress.
5 E! Entertainment
Slowing Down For the Kardashians
From the Nokia Theater, the American Music Awards featuring Taylor Swift. Swift and Kanye West perform a unity medley of Elmo's greatest self-esteem songs.
On Oprah, porn star Jenna Jameson shows she doesn't know the difference between good attention and bad attention.
Frontline examines how medical marijuana is now being prescribed for glaucoma, hyperactivity in children, anal expulsive personality disorder, low self esteem and poverty.
Lou Dobbs puts up a fence in his own back yard and declares his own house free of Mexicans, at least the ones he's not married to.
On Larry King, former Miss California USA Carrie Prejean continues to show that she doesn't know the difference between good attention and bad attention.
9 The History Channel
Catherine the Great is remembered for also being a great lover of animals. A really great lover.
If The Hills were really unscripted, somebody certainly would have killed somebody else by now.
Gossip Girl: OMFG! A 3some! WTF? LOL!
Gossip Girl: Oh no! ABRT!
Two Gossip Girls, One Cup
Gossip Girl does not know the difference between good attention and bad attention.
Gossip Girl: Hey, did anybody notice that the "threesome" entry on Wikipedia has completely gratuitous threesome pictures? A little off topic, but hey, I'm just sayin' ...
12 Fox News
Glenn Beck doesn't know the difference between good attention and bad attention. Yet that lack of self-awareness is refreshing, and has allowed us all to relax a bit and once again feel OK enjoying manifestly racist invective. Thanks, Glenn!
After watching Mad Men's Don Draper drink, womanize and verbally and physically abuse people, do any of us remember why we ever liked him in the first place?
14 Fox News
After watching Sarah Palin lie, back stab, quit her job, pander to idiots, mangle language, manipulate her family, infight with co-workers, exhibit total ignorance about global affairs and exploit her looks to cover up her lack of substance, do any of us wonder why she's not starring on AMC's Mad Men yet?
14 Fox News
Sarah Palin doesn't know the difference between good attention and bad attention. Or that Africa isn't a country.
Boogie Nights, a rip-off of Martin Scorsese movies with no ending
Magnolia, a rip-off of Robert Altman movies with no ending
There Will Be Blood, a rip-off of Stanley Kubrick movies with no ending.
The Dukes of Hazzard, a rip-off of the William Shakespeare classic, A Midsummer Night's Dream.
The Muppet Movie, a retelling of the legend of Galahad, in which a knight of pure heart in the form of a frog seeks the cup of glory, a frog who embodies a code of chivalry and romance that none of his peers can match and which engenders in him a contempt of the world and it of him, his unworldliness both holy but also cold and tragic.
Fellating For Godot
17 HGTV Martha Stewart Presents: How To Throw A Family Fight That Tastes Like Christmas
We is the channel that celebrates women. Next up, a bunch of catfighting, money grubbing bitches from Great Neck going through the Change.