(Originally posted Tuesday, January 13, 2009) What First Paragraph Film Treatments Are We Ending in Frustration? (With Potential Actors)
TITLE: Spoony Afternoon SYNOPSIS: A spunky intern at a law firm with art deco fixtures finds out that the boss she is trying to impress with sexual favors is her long lost father and her shock and self-loathing incites her to redeem herself by joining the Marines. (Starring Lucy Liu perhaps?)
TITLE: Yarny Pieces of Afternoon SYNOPSIS: A psychotic truck driver suffering from schizophrenic hallucinations of his ex-wife is the only person prepared to survive in a post-oil world when he discovers how to make methane from decomposed human skin and becomes a hero to a lot of toothless rascals. (Jennifer Aniston?)
TITLE: Bonaduce Sunset SYNOPSIS: In this film noir thriller, a widow whose husband died under mysterious circumstances is approached for a strange proposition by a red haired man in a Panama hat who claims he will drink anything.
TITLE: Ezekiel Rising SYNOPSIS: A pastiche in which the story of Ezekiel is retold in the American West by Japanese people in cowboy gear obviously suffering from either ecstatic visions, political persecution or temporal lobe epilepsy. Britney Spears makes an appearance.
TITLE: Morgan Glen SYNOPSIS: A woman from Tampa, Florida is right about the much-too-high closing costs on her mortgage. Dead right.
TITLE: Scuds! SYNOPSIS: These two Van Nuys, California teens travel to Sweden in search of what they heard is free sex on every farm. Starring Seth Rogan?
TITLE: Air Conditioner Rain An 80-year-old flasher and frotteurist repairs to the last Hollywood, Florida hotel room for one last time with the plan to do nothing but write reams of disgusting pornography until he finally drops dead. (Julie Andrews co-stars?)
TITLE: Botox Smile A cougar from Malibu discovers she can still have inner beauty by playing 7 to win.
TITLE: Pork In The City This little pig can not only talk, but he's also got a lot of things about love to teach to a group of West Village rough trade leather freaks. (James Lipton?)