(Originally posted Wednesday, December 12, 2007) James Blunt, that fey, winsome doe-eyed elfin Sweet Jesus who wants so badly to be the pillow you kiss every night, has grown a beard to change his image and make you take his songs more seriously. Yes, that's all it takes. A beard. We here at the Retributioners wonder what we could do to win your hearts and get millions of new viewers?
--*Grow a beard?
--*Kill off the show's beloved character Nate?
--*Make a sex tape?
--*Get plastic surgery?
--*Get hormone injection therapy?
--*Get in a fight with 50 Cent?
--*Snub our best friend Paris at a restaurant?
--*Go into alcoholic seizure backstage?
--*Perform a duet with Elton John at the Grammys?
--*Get arrested for DUI?
--*Get arrested for DUI and get caught on TMZ?
--*Get arrested for DUI and get caught on TMZ making salacious sexual and racial slurs?
--*Shave off our pubic hair and, without wearing underwear, hop out of a taxi ass first?
What can "The Retributioners" do to win your love? Not that we're attention whores or anything.
Again: You can tell your friends to watch this astoundingly funny new Web series here. And don't forget to watch the Prologue, a four-minute introduction to Stephanie and her world. It is not the same thing as the trailer.