(Originally posted Sunday, October 21, 2007) According to new studies, scientists are coming closer to the belief that Neanderthal man, the closest extinct relative of the homo sapiens, might have possessed the same quality of language and spoken with the same level of sophistication as we do. Here are some of the things these cave-dwellers are thought to have said.
* "These berries taste like shit."
* "I was thinking of going south to the savanna, but it's just too damn hot down there, and everybody's a damn foreigner, and why in the hell would I want to be eaten by a tiger? And after all, my brain casing is built for a colder climate. So it looks like it's back to the steppes for me."
* "I'm worried about my collection of bones and antlers, because I don't think the tribal leaders are really telling us the truth about long-term interest rates."
* "I don't know if I'm a good mother."
* "How can I have children when there might be another ice age? It's just irresponsible."
* "I've got a head for business and a bod for sin. So tell me, what's wrong with that?"
* "Out out brief candle ... Life is a tale told by an idiot. All sound and fury signifying ... oh, I don't know where I'm going with this."
* "I don't believe in tipping."
* "If I want to go hang out with the guys on Friday night, I don't see why it's any of your goddamn business."
* "Life sucks."